Ottawa, Ontario: In breaking news that comes as a surprise to no one, the majority of Canadians, when polled, said they plan on voting against their own interests in the next federal election, exactly as they did in the past one.
The data comes from the latest 338Canada poll, where Canadians were asked to list their party of choice, and 76% of Canadians declared that they plan on voting for the same parties and policies that got us into this mess in the first place.
“I’ve always voted against my own interest,” said Timmins resident Jim Tuck. “It’s been going on for so long that it’s become second nature. Why would I do something differently this time?”
Political science experts and commentators have long pointed out the correlation between the late stage-capitalist neo-liberal politics of past Liberal and Conservative governments, but their warnings have found little reception in the wider public.
“It’s not the policies, it’s the leader” said Windsor resident Leroy Sterling. “Trudeau’s a big wussy wuss. Things wouldn’t be in the shitter if we had a real man like Pierre Poilievre running the show. Who cares if he’s even more of a career-politician, corporate shill, tax the poor and middle-class kind of guy. I like that video of him eating an apple.”
The poll showed virtually no statistical difference between older generations and younger ones who will be voting for the first or second time in the next federal election.
“At first, I was a little afraid about voting against my own interests,” said Winnipeg resident Stacy Len. “I mean, what if I choked at the polling booth and accidentally voted for someone who wanted what’s best for me? Thankfully, I have plenty of guidance. My father’s a blue-collar worker and he’s been voting against his own interests since the Mulroney era.”
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