(Toronto, Ontario): Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced today that he plans on returning to a local high school in the near future to finally complete his Grade 12 education.
“It’s a dream I’ve always had,” explained Ford while holding an impromptu press conference next to a condo development project that was being handled by one of his minister’s construction companies. “To see myself standing up there on that stage, cap in hand, and knowing that I too could complete high school with the best of them.”
Announcing his plans to return to high school, Ford expressed his desire to be treated like any other ordinary student along with his teenage peers.
“I’m really looking forward to having the whole senior year of high school experience,” Ford said. “Starting food fights, smuggling contraband cigarettes, beating up nerds, that sort of thing. I feel that my younger self would have really shined in those areas and it’s honestly a damn shame that I never got the chance to create those memories.”
When interviewed about the reasons for his sudden and unexpected return to high school, as opposed to an adult education centre or community college, Ford was clear about his inspiration.
“It came to me one evening last week while I was watching Showcase. There was this wonderful documentary about a man from Dartmouth who had to return to school to complete his Grade 10. It was honestly inspiring, the way Ricky, I think his name was, was such a devoted family man and husband that he managed to find work as a janitor at the same time just to keep some food on the table at home. I can honestly say that sitting there on my sofa and watching that was like watching myself, of the person I needed to become.”
As for the exact timetable of his return, along with the institution he has in mind, Ford is currently tight-lipped, causing speculations in the city to run to feverish heights.
“It’s so exciting, and honestly inspiring, for a grown man like that to come clean about never having finished his education and to finally be setting things in motion to make it happen,” said Candice Candy, a home room teacher and assistant student counsellor at Varsity Regional High in North Yok.
“It’ll be especially endearing as the curriculums in most schools remain virtually unchanged since he was a teenager taking courses for the first time,” Candy continued. “Most of the urgent and necessary changes to the syllabi proposed under the previous government were clawed back or tossed into the incinerator during Ford’s time as Premier. So, in a way, it’s like we’ve come full circle, and aren’t circles just beautiful things?”
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