(Toronto, Ontario): Rent costs for in-demand housing options across the country, ranging from undersized one-bedroom apartments to crowded, rat-infested hellholes, have been rapidly increasing since 2019 and are expecting to reach new heights by April, 2024.
According to a spokesperson for one of the largest landlord associations in the country, this never-ending price increase for housing is as unfortunate as it was preventable.
“Blame Trudeau and his Carbon Tax,” said Doug Dougerson, a Toronto-area landlord. “I don’t really know what it does or how it operates, but it’s obvious that it’s driving up costs across the board for everyone. Especially rents charged by us landlords. We’re out of options.”
Recent figures published by the association demonstrate a clear and indisputable link between expected pricing increases and the Carbon Tax owing to the image of a graph with a very menacing red line drawing a correlation between the two.
“The data proves it,” continued Dougerson. “It’s not us who keep increasing rents across the country further and further into unsustainable territory. It’s that carbon thing.”
When the figures were shown to an independent think tank not in any way associated with landlords or other large property holders, they were quick to conclude that the correlation was in fact very real and likely going to get worse.
“The red line on the graph really says it all,” said Dr. Mick Mickenzie of the University of Chalk River South. “Rent increases for residential units are 100% caused by Trudeau’s disastrous Carbon Pricing scheme and have not a single thing to do with property owners being greedy bastards with bathtubs full of money. As long as our country tries to implement half-hearted and hairbrained schemes to tax polluters, the average renter will suffer.”
When the association was asked whether there was anything that landlords could do to help ease red hot and rising rents, their spokesperson responded in clear and unambiguous terms.
“Asking me things like that, it’s just bullshit, if I can be quite frank and use words like that,” continued Dougerson. “I mean, come on. I make a couple million a month off my property holdings every month and pollute the country like a motherfucker with my fleet of big ass American cars and private jets and now I’m supposed to do something to make rent more affordable for Canadians? What are we, some sort of European country now?”
When pressed as to whether he felt some claims that landlords were acting in a predatory manner, Dougerson took a moment to respond.
“Could be,” he said, “but even if it was, what’s the big deal? You know, if the grocers associations and lobbyists can blame the carbon tax for their own predatory price increases, why can’t we do the same?”
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